[Scene 1]
The planet express building. Fry and Bender are one the couch, watching TV.
Leela is sitting on a chair, petting Nibbler. Farnsworth and Hermes come
into the room. Farnsworth is holding a package.
Farnsworth: Good news everybody.
Fry: Is it a delivery, or another scientific experiment?
Farnsworth: a delivery.
Fry: Good. The last time you needed us for a scientific experiment… well,
lets just say thank god for permanent hair removing technology.
Leela: What are we delivering this time?
Farnsworth: DOOP hired us to deliver this package full of mail to one of
their ships, currently on a mission in the outskirts of the known universe.
Fry: What ship?
Farnsworth: The Nimbus.
Bender: Hey, isn't that Zapp Brannigan's ship?
Farnsworth: Indeed.
Leela (screams): NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Scene 2]
An external vision of the Nimbus in orbit of an orange planet. A shuttle
comes out of the planet and docks with the Nimbus.
[Scene 3]
The Nimbus. Zapp and Kif are standing in one of the ship's many corridors.
Zapp is observing the Nimbus' crew members come and go, doing their work.
Zapp: Watching these brave men and women, Kif, doing their job, helping in
the operation of this massive ship, knowing that one day they will die
horribly… it makes you feel… proud, powerful… sexy.
Kif (in despair): What?!
Suddenly there is a male voice in the ship announcing system.
Voice: Captain Brannigan, Captain Brannigan, you are needed on the landing
deck. The expedition to Zaphron 3 has returned.
Kif: Should I come with you, sir?
Zapp: No. I had a small "accident" last night when I was sleeping. Take my
blanket and sheets from my room to the washing machine.
Kif: Yes, sir.
[Scene 4]
Zapp walks into the landing deck. The vision of space is in the background.
He walks to the shuttle (which landed on scene 2). The shuttle's crew
members get off.
Zapp: So you have returned. Delicious. What did you find?
Shuttle crew member: Well, sir, the planet seems uninhabited. Although we
did find life down there. (he takes out a small cage with a tiny
Elchupenebre (from episode 14) creature.
Zapp: Hmm… this creature… its majestic… and powerful. How lovely. I'll keep
him as my pet!
Female shuttle crew member (to another crew member): I thought he already
had a pet.
The crew member laughs.
Shuttle crew member: Sir, I'd really suggest we'd take him to the lab,
first. Who knows what kind of creature we're dealing with here.
Zapp: Nonsense, Nonsense. I'm sure this little guy is harmless. (opens the
cage and inserts his hand in to try and touch the creature. Then, he
screams) - AHH! He bit my finger!
The tiny Elchupenbre jumps off the cage, runs off and enters a small vent.
Zapp: Forget about him. God knows how many tiny creatures run around in the
ship's vents. It's completely safe…
Suddenly, from behind, The Planet Express ship appears and lands on a
landing ramp next to the shuttle. Zapp approaches the ship, As Fry, Bender
and Leela get off it.
Zapp: Well, well, well…
Leela (interrupting): Spare your introduction, I didn't come here because I
love you, want you, or want to. I'm here to deliver a package.
Fry: And if we mention it… (Fry hands the package to Zapp).
Bender: Another job well done. Now lets get the hell out of here, I got
places to go, people to rob and hookers to visit.
Leela: Lets go!
Leela, Bender and Fry turn around and go up the stairs.
Zapp: Uhh… wait!
Leela stops and turns around.
Leela: What now?
Zapp: You can't leave!
Leela: Why?
Zapp: Because… umm… the ship was contaminated and… umm… no one is allowed
to leave!
Fry: Really?
Zapp: No… (correcting himself)… Yes!
Leela: Oh please, he's trying to make us stay so he could try and seduce me
again. Can't you see it?
Bender: No.
Zapp: So you're resisting to stay, eh? (shouting) Guards! Put them in prison.
Fry: Not again!
[scene 5]
Leela, Fry and Bender are being thrown to jail.
Leela: I gonna kill him! I gonna kill him!
Bender: Can I help?
Fry: Thanks a lot Leela, now I'm gonna miss All My circuits. It's season
254 finale!
Leela: What did I do?
Fry: If he hasn't had the hots for you, he wouldn't have stopped us in any
means possible every time he meets us.
Leela: Forgive me for having good looks.
Bender: We don't.
Leela: Oh shut up!
[Scene 6]
Zapp walks in the corridors of the Nimbus. A crew member approaches him.
Man: Sir!
Zapp: What? Who? Me?
Man: Yes, Sir!
Zapp: What is it?
Man: We've checked the package delivered by the planet express delivery boy.
Zapp: …and?
Man: Its full of mail, sir.
Zapp: That's all?
Man: Sir, yes, sir.
Zapp: Anything for me?
Man: No, sir. There is one for Kif, though, sir.
Zapp: Kif?! Umm… I'll take it to him!
Man: Sir, yes, sir! (hands over an evelope)
Zapp: Is that all?
Man: Yes, sir.
Zapp: So what are you still standing there, soldier?
Man: I'm waiting for you to release me, sir!
Zapp (to himself): Really? Hmmm… Heheheh.
Man: May I be excused, sir?
Zapp: Umm… No. Cya!
Zapp leaves the man as he continues to stand, shocked.
[Scene 7]
The Nimbus' cafeteria. It is deserted. The tiny Elchupenbre gets out of a
vent and into the serving table. It starts eating all the food.
[Scene 8]
Zapp is in his quarters. He opens the envelope and reads the letter
addressed to Kiff.
Zapp (reading out loud): Hmm… Dear Kif, Bla bla bla… promotion…
congratulations, you have made it to captain… bla bla bla… If you do not
reply it will be as if you reject your post… bla bla bla…
Zapp throws the letter into the trash can.
Zapp (to himself): Stupid junk mail.
Kif enters the room.
Kif: Sir, I finished shining your shoe collection. Now what would you like
me to do?
Zapp: Go get the soaps and my duckie, I want to take a bath. I must look
pretty for the lady Leela.
Kif: Yes, sir. By the way, if you don't mind me asking, why did you
imprison Leela and her companions… again?
Zapp: I want her back to me, I must be near her for as long as possible.
Then she will come to admire my flowing blonde hair, my sexy body and my
valour uniform.
Kif: It is still illegal to imprison someone not for a justified reason, sir.
Zapp: Pfft, I'm an American by origin. Since when do I give a damn about
the law?
Kif: Ugh.
Zapp: Anyway…
Suddenly there is a huge crash sound and people screaming.
Zapp: What's going on out there?
Walks to the door and opens it.
Zapp (screaming): I told you to keep it down there! Don't make me come out
there!
[Scene 9]
One of the corridors. The Elchupenebre creature, now in full size, is
fighting two security guards. One shoots him. He grabs the other with his
hand, and eats him (like the computer game "rampage").
[Scene 10]
Zapp's quarters. Kif hangs up the phone.
Zapp: What is going out there?
Kif: Remember the creature that escaped today?
Zapp: That little harmless creature?
Kif: Yes. Apparently he ate all the food in the cafeteria and now he is ten
times larger… and nastier.
Zapp: Oh my god!!! He ate all the food in the cafeteria???
Kif: Ugh. Sir, the creature is a huge threat to the ship.
Zapp: So? Send the guards to deal with it.
Kif: It ate most of the guards, sir.
Zapp: Oh?
Kif: An evacuation sequence already started, sir. The ship should be empty
by now.
Zapp: So, only the two of us left…
Kif: The two of us and the prisoners.
Zapp: Oh my god! Leela!
Zapp runs out of the room.
[Scene 11]
Leela, Fry and Bender are sitting in prison. Zapp is standing outside the
door and disables the electricity.
Zapp: You can go.
Leela: Oh?
Zapp: Take me with you!
Leela: Huh?
Zapp: Please?
Kif (in the back): Don't forget about me, sir!
Zapp: Please??
Fry: What's wrong?
Zapp: I'll explain everything later! Lets go!
Leela: No! Why should we?
Zapp: Fine, I'll keep you trapped here to die horribly.
Bender: Ok!
Fry: The man has a point, Leela.
Leela: What is happening?
Zapp: Well, there is kinda… a big bad creature… who ate up half of my crew
and is currently running around free, trashing the ship.
Leela: Good enough for me! Lets go!
[Scene 12]
The group runs in one of the Nimbus' corridors. They see in a crossroad a
guard. He's shooting at something out of the group's sight. Then, the
Elchupenbre creature appears and eats him.
Leela: Oh my god!
Bender: Look! Its Elchupenbre!
Zapp: You know this creature?
Fry: Did we flush him down the toilet?
The creature looks at them.
Leela: Oh oh! Turn around! Run!!!
The group runs to the other direction, Elchupenbre follows them.
[Scene 13]
The group is hiding in a large room.
Fry: Did we lose it?
Leela: I think so.
Zapp: Good. Now lets get to your ship and get the hell out of here.
Leela: No.
Zapp, Leela and Bender: No?!
Leela: No. We're going to find it, capture it, and save this ship.
Fry: What?? Why??
Leela: Because, as much as I hate to admit it, Zapp's ship is important…
important to keep the peace and order…
Fry: So?
Leela: And besides, if we save this ship, DOOP might pay us handsomely!
Bender: I'm in!
Fry: Me too!
Zapp: I'm out! (tries to run away, Leela catches him)
Leela: Oh no, you brought this upon yourself. Now, you stay here and deal
with the problem.
Zapp: But I don't wanna!
Kif: Well, there is no point for me being here. (Kif runs away before Zapp
can say anything).
Zapp: Damn, there goes our bait.
Fry: So… what do we do now?
Leela: We get some weapons.
[Scene 14]
The group walks in a corridor and enters a door with the sign "Armory".
There is a march music in the background.
[Scene 15]
A dark room. The group is standing in line - Fry on the right, Leela to his
left, Bender to her left and Zapp to Bender's left. They are all behind a
bench.
Fry closes his jacket.
Leela, her foot on the bench, putting a knife on her boot.
Bender, holding a shotgun, reloads it.
Zapp tries to put on some pants. He cant close them. He keeps on trying and
falls down.
[Scene 16]
The group is standing on a corridors crossroad.
Leela: Ok people, now we split up and search for that thing. Bender and
Fry, you go together.
Fry: Alright!!
Bender: Party!
Leela: Zapp, you are with me.
Fry: OOOOOOOH!
Leela: Knock it off Fry. I want him with me because who knows what that
idiot can do on his own.
Zapp: You do know I'm right here.
Leela: As I was saying, who knows what that idiot can do on his own.
Fry: Lets go!
[Scene 17]
Fry and Bender are walking in a corridor.
Fry: Do you see anything, Bender?
Bender: Who cares?
[Scene 18]
Zapp and Leela are walking in a corridor.
Zapp: Leela…
Leela: Ugh. What is it?
Zapp: We both know the REAL reason why you wanted me with you here. Now
that we're alone, why wont you admit it?
Leela: Ok Zapp. You got me. (stops walking, turns around, standing close to
him as if she is about to kiss him). You're an idiot. God knows what you'll
do on your own. (turns around and continues on walking).
Zapp is disappointed.
[Scene 18]
Leela and Zapp meet Fry and Bender on a different corridors crossroad.
Leela: Did you find anything?
Bender: Well, all I found was these 200 dollars and this golden medal.
Leela: I was talking about Elchupenebre.
Fry: No.
Bender: That doesn't matter anyway.
Leela: Oh really? Why?
Bender: Cuz it's standing right behind you.
Leela and Zapp turn around, scream and the group runs to the other
direction. Elchupenebre runs after them. At a crossroad the group splits
again - Fry and Bender run to the left, Leela and Zapp run to the right.
Elchupenebre chases Leela and Zapp.
[Scene 19]
A small, metallic room, with nothing in it. There is an open door which
leads to an airlock. Zapp and Leela are trapped, their only way is into the
airlock. The Elchupenbre gets closer and closer.
Zapp: It was a pleasure doing it with you, Leela.
Zapp tries to kiss Leela, but she pushes him away.
Leela: I rather be eaten by that (points at Elchupenbre) thing! (runs
towards him)
Elchupenbre jumps, goes over Leela and landing between her and Zapp. He
starts chasing Zapp, who runs into the airlock. Elchupenbre behind him. Fry
and Bender then appear. Leela presses a button on a small keypad next to
the door. The door closes.
Voice: Airlock will open in 15 seconds.
There is also an alarm sound. Elchupenbre seems confused. Zapp runs to the
door and knocks on it.
Zapp: Let me out! Let me out!
Fry: Ehh… aren't you going to let him out?
Leela: Do I have to?
Voice: Airlock will open in 8 seconds…. 7…. 6…. 5…. 4…
Leela: Oh alright.
Voice: 2…
Leela presses the button again and the door opens.
Voice: Airlock opening sequence cancelled.
Zapp gets out. Leela presses the button again and the door starts to get
shut. Elchupenbre tries to run through the closing door but only his head
manages to get out.
Leela (jumping and kicking Elchupenbre's head): Hyyyiiiaaa!
Elchupenbre falls into the airlock, the door is shut.
Voice: Airlock will open in 15 seconds.
Zapp: Oh, thank you thank you thank you!
Leela: I got a feeling I gonna regret this.
Voice: Airlock will open in 10 seconds…. 9…. 8…. Oh, screw this!
[Scene 20]
The airlock opens and Elchupenbre is jettisoned into space, screaming. A
second later, Elchupenbre is confused, seeing Mini-me also flying through
space.
[Scene 21]
Zapp, Leela, Fry and Bender are standing in the landing bay, next to the
Planet Express ship.
Zapp: Thanks for saving my ship.
Leela: Did you get the damage report already?
Zapp: Yes.
Leela: How bad is it?
Zapp: Nothing a few millions wont cure.
Fry: Great. Let's mosey!
Bender: Wait a minute! What about our reward?
Zapp: It will be delivered in the mail.
Bender (starts singing): I'm in the money… I'm in the money…
Zapp: Well, its been a pleasure meeting you. Especially you, Leela. I'm
willing to die at your side any day.
Leela: I like the idea… especially if you drop the "at your side" thingy.
Fry: To this ship!
Fry, Leela and Bender get into the ship. 5 seconds later, the ship departs.
[Scene 22]
Fry and Bender are sitting on the couch, watching TV. There is
a commercial on.
Anchor voice on TV: You don't want to go to work, but you're feeling
healthy? Want a cure? Try Xeronex! (jingle) You'd get so sick, you wont go
to work for week. (Anchor voice) Xeronex - 100% Pure chemicals.
Fry changes the channel.
Anchor voice on TV: Tonight. The latest scandal in The Head museum!
There is a picture of Bill Clinton's head.
Bill Clinton's head: I did not have sex with that women's head.
Anchor: Find out the truth!
Fry changes the channel again. All my circuits is on. Hermes comes into the
room.
Hermes: You two and Leela got mail from DOOP. Here ya go.
Hermes hands out two envelopes, one for Fry and one for Bender.
Hermes: I gonna go search for Leela.
Hermes leaves.
Bender: Oh boy! I bet that's the prize!
Fry: Yeah… (opens the envelope impatiently)… $153???
Bender: What???
Fry: And after all we've been through!
Bender: Yeah! That was one big ship! Looting all of it wasn't easy, I tell you!
Bender & Fry sigh…
[ THE END ]
