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Memories, Deliveries And Sex |
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 by: Idan Sorry for any English errors. [Opening - Limited edition] [Scene 1] A room in a Buddhist monastery. The camera moves from left to right. A row of Tibetans monks sitting on the floor, meditating, can be seen. One of the monks is Ace Ventura. There is a knock on the door. One of the monks gets up and opens it. Fry is outside, holding a radio. Fry: Delivery for the monks of the Silicon Valley. Monk: I'll take it. Fry hands the monk the radio. Monk: Finally, we can listen to MTV radio. Fry: Sure. I'll need you to sign this. (hands him a clipboard) The monk signs it. Monk: May your spirit bend in hard times like a weed in a storm. Fry: Nice meeting you too. Fry leaves. The monk tunes the radio until music can be heard and cranks up the volume. [Scene 2] Leela and Bender are having a picnic outside the ship on a grassy meadow. In the background there are woods and mountains with snowy peaks. There isn't any food next to Bender or Leela. Fry approaches from the woods. Fry: Oh, I get it. When I do all the hard work, you two are having a picnic. Leela: What are you talking about, Fry? We work. I pilot the ship. Fry sits next to Leela and Bender. Bender: And I cooked the food. Fry: You brought here food? Fry and Leela exchange some worrisome looks. Bender: Don't worry. When I say I brought food, I mean that I went to Subway and bought you two some sandwiches. Leela: That's so nice of you Bender… Bender: Yeah, I stole the Professor's credit card so I went buying you some food… amongst other things. Bender takes out from his door a picnic basket and puts it on the ground. His hand is now visible, and you can see it has several gold rings on his fingers. Fry opens the picnic basket, takes out a sandwich and starts eating it. Fry: Mmm… Just like my mom used to make for me when I was in high school. Ofcourse, every morning I was beat up by bullies and they took my launch. Leela: Didn't you have a cafeteria in your school? Fry: Well, there was one, until the ministry of health discovered some radioactive waste in the food. The is a short pause. Leela looks at the view. Leela: God, its beautiful out here. Fry: Yeah, it looks like a scene from Xena, or Hercules… Leela: Fry, can't you see some analogies that aren't connected to the TV. Fry: Ehhh… Nope. Bender: Well, lets go. I promised Girlfriend Unit 3 I'd give her a call. Leela: Oh, alright. Too bad. It's lovely in here. Fry picks up the blanket they were sitting on. Fry: Yeah. This planet is beautiful. Bender: This view can really debug your system. Leela, Bender & Fry (in that order) walk towards the ship and climb up the stairs. Fry: You know what I just realized? This is the first delivery ever in which I wasn't hurt! Suddenly, Fry slips and falls down the stairs, until he hits the ground. Fry: I take it back. [Scene 3] In the ship's bridge. Leela: I wish all of our deliveries would be like this one. Bender: Like what? Boring? Leela: No. Eventless. Bender: As I said, Boring! Leela: Call it whatever you'd like. For once I'd like not to be chased by lizardmen. Fry: I remember that one. Leela: Or fired upon. Fry: I remember that one too! Leela: Or kissed by a woman. Fry: I don't remember that one! Leela: Oh, that was in high school. Never mind. Bender: Do you really want your life to be so predictable? Fry: Until I was frozen, I thought my life were pretty predictable. During high school, my plan was to drop out of collage and make a fortune working in McDonlad's. But they weren't hiring so I got a low-pay job as a pizza boy. Bender (waking up from his sleep): Huh? What? You said something? [Scene 4] The Planet Express ship lands in the Planet Express building. Bender, Leela and Fry come down the stairs and start walking away. Fry: Ahh… now to go home and do absolutely nothing. Leela: Shh! You're going to jinx us! Fry, Leela and Bender are about to get to the exit. Fry: I don't see how… Farnsworth's Voice: Don't leave yet! I still got something to show you. Bender: Damn! So close! Leela: Great. You jinxed us. Bender (sarcastically): Good work, Fry! Fry: I didn't do anything! [Scene 5] Leela, Bender and Fry are standing in one line, on the hanger floor, looking at Farnsworth whose standing next to a hovering motorcycle. Fry: What is this? Your latest invention? Farnsworth: No… I wanted to show you what I bought - an Adams-Davidson hovercycle. Bender: What do YOU want to do with a hovercycle? Farnsworth: Me and my scientists friends thought we could take a motorcycling trip in the west coast of Pluto. You know, just the men and the road, the wind in your hair, the 90 year old babes in the back… Bender: Just watch out from turbulence forming in the hole where your brain is supposed to be. Farnsworth: What are you talking about? I'm the smartest man on earth! Well, except for that Chinese guy, but no one ever counts him. Fry: Say, Professor, Can I take the cycle for a spin? Leela: You don't know how to ride a hovercycle! Fry: I had a bicycle back in the 20th century. It cant be that different! Farnsworth: You want a ride? Sure. Whatever. But if you break it, it comes off your paycheck. Leela: Fry, I don't think you should do it. Fry: Relax. Leela: Fry, I really don't think you should… Every time you try to drive you end up hitting someone or something. Remember the time you tried to drive the prehistoric car? Bender: Or the first time Leela tried to teach you how to fly the ship. Fry: It's not my fault that the White House was in the way! Farnsworth: You still owe me 4,000 dollars for the damages caused in that little incident. Leela: The point is that maybe its dangerous for you to drive. Its dangerous to all of us! Fry: I know what I'm doing. I'm not a baby. Fry gets on the hovercycle. Fry: This is going to be so easy… Its like a bicycle! Suddenly, the hovercycle starts flying in the air, out of control. Fry: AHHHH!!!! The hovercycle flies near the ground and hits Leela in the head. She falls down the floor. Fry falls off the hovercycle a second before it hits the wall in a huge explosion. Farnsworth: That would be 10,000 dollars. Bender rushes to help Fry and in the way steps over Leela. Bender: Buddy, are you ok? Fry: Yeah, I'm fine. (gets up) But I thought I heard something. Did I hit anything? Bender: Only the wall…. And Leela. Fry: Oh my god! Fry rushes to help Leela. She gets up from the floor, holding her head. Fry: Leela? Leela??? Are you ok? Leela: I think so… who… who are you? Fry: What? Leela: Do I know you? Do I know any of you? Fry: Oh my god! She lost her memory! Bender: So? [Scene 6] Bender, Fry and Farnsworth are sitting at the conference table. Leela is also sitting, facing away from the table, being checked by Zoidberg. Zoidberg: Well, it's a simple case of a broken hand. Nothing serious. We'll just have to chop it off. Fry: I can't believe Leela got amnesia. This stuff usually happen to me. Bender: Well, you can atleast comfort yourself in the fact that you were the one who caused it. Fry: Can't amnesia be treated these days? This is the future! Farnsworth: Ofcourse it can. But I'm afraid any of you don't have the proper medical insurance. Fry: What medical insurance? Farnsworth: Exactly. Fry: So now what do we do? Farnsworth: Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to… sleep. (falls asleep on the chair) Bender: And I'm going to… well… anywhere other than here. (leaves the room) Fry: Well, Leela, it appears its only you and me are here. Zoidberg: What about me? Fry: Well, Leela, it appears its only you and me are here. Zoidberg leaves depressed as Fry moves to a closer seat to Leela. Leela: Can you tell me about my life a little bit? And especially why do I have only one eye. Fry: Well, that's because you're an alien. Leela: An Alien? Hmm… can I lay eggs in your chest? Fry: I don't think so… atleast, I hope not. Leela: So what do I do? Fry: Well, this is the Planet Express deliveries service and you are the captain of the Planet Express ship. Leela: I'm a captain? Cool. Fry: Yeah… In the background, Bender comes back into the room. Leela: Tell me… am I involved with anyone? Romantically? Fry: Umm…. Yeah! You do! With me, actually… and we do it a lot, too! Leela: I'm involved with YOU?! Are you sure? Fry: Yeah! Why not? Leela: No offence, Fried, but you don't seem like the guy I'd be dating… or sleeping with. Fry (quietly, to himself): Damn! Bender: Well, at least she hasn't lost her taste in men! Fry: Bender? What are you doing here? I thought you left… Bender: I wanted to go to a strip club… but then I remembered I have no money. Fry: So do what you always do. Bender (looking in Farnsworth's pockets): I'm doing it right now. Bender takes out Farnsworth's wallet, takes some cash and puts it back into Farnsworth's pocket. He starts walking towards the door and he reaches it. Farnsworth (from his sleep): You owe me 200 dollars. Bender: Damn! (leaves the room) Fry: Come on, Leela, I'll introduce you to your pet. Leela: Ok! They both get up and leave the room. Farnsworth (from his sleep): Zzzz… As the new ruler of humanity… Zzzz… All Blonde women must shave their head and have a tattoo of my face… Zzzz… [Scene 7] At the lounge (the room with the TV). Nibbler is eating a pig in his box. Fry takes him and gives him to Leela. Leela: That little monster is my pet? Fry: Yeah. He's name is Nibbler. Leela: Well, he's a very cute monster! (starts rubbing his head) Hermes' voice (outside the room): Get your lazy asses in here, people! A package just arrived. Farnsworth's voice (outside the room): For once in your life, Hermes, SHUT UP! [Scene 8] Everybody are sitting at the conference table, except for Bender. Fry: We can't start the meeting! Bender is not here! Hermes: That's ok, As if Bender ever listens to anything I have to say. Zoidberg (whispering to Amy): As if anyone ever listens to what he has to say. Amy giggles. Leela (whispering to Fry): Bender is the obnoxious robot, right? Fry (whispering to Leela): Yeah. Bender comes in. Everybody: Hey Bender! Fry: Bender, I thought you went to the strip club! Bender: I did! Fry: And you spent $200 so fast? You barely left the building! Bender: Well, unit #2945-A3 was on today… I think I'm in love… (sits down) So, what's happening? Amy: It's a delivery. Bender: Oh crap. Zoidberg: So what is the delivery already? Farnsworth: Today you'd be delivering paychecks to the striking miners of pickaxe 3, a planet rich in minerals which is being mined out. Hermes: Since most of the minerals were mined out, the mining companies have had some financial difficulties and couldn't pay the miners. Fry: Whatever. Hermes: The miners got on a violent strike and the mining companies were forced to pay. Fry: As if we care. I got a question - who will be flying the ship? With Leela's little accident there is no one who can fly the ship. Amy: I can go. Farnsworth: No, you can't. I'm working on a new experiment and I need you to be with me. Leela: So who will pilot the ship? Farnsworth: You. Leela: But I can't fly the ship! I don't remember how! I'll crash it somewhere and kill us all. Farnsworth: Then consider yourself lucky. Hermes: Now get to work. Leela, Bender & Fry get up and start walking towards the ship. Leela: Is it always crazy in here like now? Fry: No. It's usually much worse. Zoidberg: Shouldn't I go with them? Farnsworth: No. If the miners will see them as representatives of the mining companies they'll probably kill them, not hurt them. Amy: Ok, professor, what is the big experiment you needed me for? Farnsworth: The what? Amy: The experiment. Farnsworth: What experiment? [Scene 9] The Planet Express ship takes off from Earth into space, almost hitting The satellite of love. [Scene 10] Crow (looking outside the window): Hey, that was close! Watch it! [Scene 11] The Planet Express ship flies around planets in the solar systems. [Scene 12] The Planet Express ship's bridge. All the crew members are sitting at their usual places. Fry: Watch it! You're going to hit Pluto!!! Bender: I regret nothing! Pluto is seen in the window, passing by the ship. Leela: Whew, That was close. I wish I'd get my memory back… I don't know how to fly this thing! Fry: Maybe it would be better if you'd let me fly the ship. Leela: I thought you said you didn't know how to pilot the ship back at the office. Fry: Well, I've been learning. You gave me a few lessons before the accident and I've been reading "Flying ships for dummies". I got to page 2. Bender: Maybe you should try "Flying ships for idiots". Leela: I don't know… Fry: I've been improving a lot! The last time, I only hit a cow. Bender: It wasn't a cow! It was a fat woman with a moo-moo! Leela: Ok… [Scene 13] An external shot of the Planet Express ship in space. The ship is spinning. [Scene 14] The Planet Express ship flies towards a green planet. [Scene 15] The ship crash-lands into the planet. Bender, Leela & Fry get off the ship. [Scene 16] Leela (sarcastically): Nice flying, Fry. Bender: Yeah, you only hit three satellites. Leela: And don't forget that refueling station. Fry: Laugh all you want, I got us here, didn't I? Bender: Yeah, after we got lost and spent three hours circling the Plafibus Nebula until you finally listened to Leela and asked for directions. Fry: Hey! I'm a guy! Guys don't ask for directions. Leela: So… What do we do now? Bender: Usually you stay in the ship, waiting for Fry to come back from the delivery, telling you he screwed things up. Leela: And what do you do? Bender: I usually screw things up some more. Leela: Well, I'm going to lay down, maybe I'll get a flash back. When you finish your delivery, let me know. Leela walks up the stairs and gets into the ship. Fry: Well, I better get to work! Fry leaves the crash site during the noon (the sun in the middle of the sky). There is a fast forward until the evening. [Scene 17] In the Planet Express bridge. Leela is sitting on her chair. Bender comes in. Leela: Well, its been 6 hours since Fry left the ship. I think its safe to say he's in trouble. Bender: 6 hours? That's a record… it usually takes him 20 minutes. Leela: Well… go look for him! Bender: Me?! Why wont you go? Leela: Because I'm the captain and I tell you to. Bender: But you are the one who knows Kong-fu, Karate, Chi-quan-do, zon-to-see, zar-tee-lo and all the rest of the crap. Leela: I do? Bender: Yeah! Leela: I don't remember any of these things! Ugh. I don't need to give you an explanation. Now go search for Fry! Bender: I liked the old Leela a lot better! Bender leaves the bridge. [Scene 18] The opening of the mines. It looks deserted. Its night time. Bender walks in with a flash light. Bender (sarcastically): Go save Fry, na na na. [Scene 19] Bender walks in the dark mines. He aims with his flashlight on a corner. He sees a human skeleton. Bender falls on his knees, grabs some bones and shouts. Bender: NO!!!! FRY!!!!!!!! Fry's Voice: What? Bender looks to the side and sees Fry. Bender: Fry, you're alive. Fry: Well, ofcourse I'm alive! Bender: Why are you being so obvious? Especially with our past work… Anyway, what took you so long? We thought you got into trouble! Fry: I got lost in these damn mines! It's a maze down here. I've been searching for an exit for hours now. Bender: Did you find the miners? Fry: No… This place looks deserted. Bender: Great. Lets go back to the ship, tell Leela we didn't find them and go home. Suddenly, the floor under Bender and Fry collapse and the two fall down to a lower level. There is a large crash sound. [Scene 20] Fry and Bender are on the floor. Around them there is an angry mob of miners, lighting up the place with rods which light comes out of them. Fry: This can't be good. Bender: Tell me about it. Miner: Who are you? Fry: We bring you a package from your employers. Miner: They represent the mining companies! Get 'em! Fry: No… Wait… We're from Planet Expre… (the mob swarms them) [Scene 21] A large room in a cave. Both Fry and Bender are tied up on polls with hay under them. The miners are standing around them. Miners: Burn them! Burn them! Two miners take out matches. They are about to put them in the hay. Fry: Wait! Miner (with match): What? Fry: We're in a cave. Wont you suffocate if you'll torch us? Miners (amongst themselves): yes… He's right… Miner: We'll just have to kill you the old fashioned way (pulls out a ray gun) Bender: Look what you've done, Fry. Fry: Wait! Look, we're not representatives of the mining companies! Miner: You won't fool us! Bender: Open the package! Its full of paychecks! Miner: What package? Bender: Fry, where is the package? Fry: Eh…. Bender: You forgot it? Again? Idiot. Miner: Silence! Its time you'll pay. Something you haven't done for all of us in over four months! Fry: But we're not from the mining company! You're killing innocent men. Bender (showing his face): Is this the face of a criminal? Fry: Does he have to answer that? Miner: Enough. Now you die! (points the gun at Fry) Starting with you… Leela's Voice: Not if I have anything to do about it! Fry & Bender: Leela! Leela enters the cave room, standing near tied up Fry and Bender. Fry: How did you know where to find us? Leela: Bender has a tracking device on him. Fry: Nice move. How did you think of it? I thought you lost your memory. Leela: I did. I implanted it on him before he left the ship. I might not remember my past, but I'm not an idiot. Miner: Who are you? Leela: I'm the friend of these people you are about to kill and I'm willing to take on anyone. If you win, kill them. Fry: (surprised) Hey! Leela: If I win, you let them go… Miner: Fine. Deal with him! The crowd moves to the sides, making room for a large gorilla-like miner. Leela: Oh oh. This isn't good. Fry: You know, it would have been a lot simpler if you just brought the package with you. Leela: You forgot it? Idiot. Fry: Wait a minute! Didn't you lose your memory? You remember how to fight? Leela: Well, to be honest… no. Suddenly the gorilla miner jumps on Leela, knocking her down to the ground. At this point you can only see Fry and Bender. Fry (turning his head away): I can't watch! What is happening? Bender: She's killing him! Fry (looks back, surprised): Really? Bender: No. The camera moves to the side, showing Leela and the gorilla miner fighting. The gorilla miner punches Leela in the stomach. Then he hits her on the head. She falls down, knocked down. The gorilla miner raises his arms as the winner. The other miners cheer. Miner: He wins! The camera now shows the gorilla miner looking towards the camera, close to it. In the back, Leela raises, pissed off. Fry: No he didn't! The gorilla miner looks back, surprised, and gets hit by Leela's foot. She punches and kicks him until he hits the wall. The place shake from the hit. Voice: Finish him! Suddenly, a stone falls on the gorilla miner's head. Voice: Never mind! Fry: You're back! Leela: You bet. Leela jumps into the air, lands near Fry and Bender, take out a knife from her boot and frees them. Fry: Its good to have you back. Miner: Get them!!! The mob starts chasing Fry, Leela and Bender down a passage. The miner with the ray gun fires at them. [Scene 22] Fry, Leela, Bender and the mob all get out from an exit of the mines. [Scene 23] Fry, Leela and Bender get into the ship and close the door. A second later the door opens again. Fry gets out, puts the package on the ground and enters back in. The ship raises up in the air. [Scene 24] In the Planet Express' ship bridge. Everybody are sitting in their places. Leela: Now, wasn't that solved all of our problems? Actually delivering the package, I mean. Fry: I guess. Leela: I might not always be there for you, Fry. Fry: Technically, you weren't. And I still made it out alive. Leela: Try to cut back on the problems you're getting into. You might die one day. Bender: Oh who cares? Atleast he'll live a full interesting life. And in the end, that is the most important thing. Right? Leela: Sure, its fun when you don't do any work. Bender: What are you talking about? I get in trouble with the rest of you… Fry: Yeah, but its ME who gets us in these troubles. [ T H E E N D] |
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