Setting: Aboard Zapp Brannagan’s ship Zapp sits in his chair with a stupid
look on his face.
Officer 1: “Captain, what are we going to do about the Killbots?”
Zapp: “What Killbots?”
Kif: “The Killbots that are attacking us.”
Zapp: “I must outsmart them Kif.”
Kif: “Good luck trying.”
Zapp: “What was that Kif?”
Kif: “Indeed sir.”
Officer 2: “How do we do that sir?”
Zapp: “How many men do I have Kif?”
Kif: “You have one thousand on this ship and ten thousand more on ten
other ships.”
Zapp: “Here is my plan Kif.”
Kif: “And it would be?”
Zapp: “It is said in this Killbots manual that they have a preset kill
limit, and once they reach that limit they shutdown.” “What I plan to do
is send wave after wave of my own men make the Killbots reach their limit.”
Kif: “But Captain isn’t that sending them to a certain painful death?”
Zapp: “That may be but it must be done and I must be the one to be
rewarded for the idea.”
Kif: “When should I give the order to begin?”
Zapp: “In five, four, three never mind just go.”
One by one Zapp’s men gave their lives for no reason what so ever but Zapp
had a reason. His reason was that he would get a medal for his idea in
stopping the Killbots and he would be remarked as a hero or so he thought
in that empty head of his.
Kif: “Captain your idea actually worked, all of the Killbots are off-line
but are loses were astronomical.” “What should we tell the Admiral?”
Zapp: “Tell him that all the Killbots were destroyed by my quick thinking.”
Kif: “He’ll never believe it.”
Zapp: “And why is that?”
Kif: “No reason.”
Back on Earth at a big ceremony Zapp is given a medal.
Admiral:< “I hereby give Zapp Brannagan this medal of bravery and courage
for his quick and decisive thinking in disposing of the rampaging Killbots.”
Zapp: “I would like to thank myself because I thought up the idea and only
me and I also deserve this award because I am the best and brightest
captain in the fleet.”
Kif: “Oh Jeez.”
Crowd: “You Suck!”
