by: Aaron
Everyone, please refer to the Following key:
ND-Nick Diamond JG-Johnny Gomez ML-Mills Lane B-Bender F-Fry L-Leela H-Homer BG-Barney Gumble NF-Ned Flanders SC-'Stone Cold' Steve Austin
JG-Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch. It's finally time for our main event.
ND-That's right Johnny, the crowd is starting to...
JG-Hold on, Nick. Looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin is ready to start us off. Steve?
SC-Thanks, guys. I've made some modifications to the time machine, so now we're gonna pull 6 Groening-made masterpieces out of 2 shows, which just happen to be on right now. Let's start with the Simpsons. (turns time machine on) And there you have it. Now, we're gonna lift Groening's new bad-asses outta 1,000 years from now. (wait) There you go. Bender, Fry, Leela, Barney, Ned, and Homer.
JG-Thanks, Steve. Let's break these guys down.
ND-Let's start with Bender. As we all...
JG-What's this? It's from our beer vendor. "I quit." Ok then, let's just start the match then.
ML-This time, I'm just gonna shut up, and you're just gonna get it on! (bell rings)
JG-Nick, this will take the form of a triple tag team match.
ND-It's Fry vs. Flanders.
NF-Hi-diddly-ho there, neighb...(higher-pitched)ouch!
JG-And Fry starts things off by going south of the border!
F-There's one delivery I liked to make. (weak laghter) Here's another!
NF-God-ow!-help-oof!-me!-OUCH!!!!
(a bolt of lightning rips through the ceiling and hits Fry and Flanders)
ND-And the big guy upstairs strikes him down on Ned's total request! (both laugh)
JG-And speaking of totaled, that's what Fry and Flanders are!
ND-Homer's coming in.
JG-As is Leela.
H-Hey,baby.
L-(karate yell)
ND-The roundhouse kick from Leela!
L-(continued karate screams)
JG-Leela means business! She's using that black belt of hers to pummel Homer Simpson into oblivion!
ND-Looks like we're witnessing the birth of Alien's Lib!
JG-She's looking to drive Homer back to- uh, whatever state he's from!
L-Say goodnight, Homer.
JG-Oh My God! She's pulled out a laser, previously only used in magazine and web site shoots!
B-Steady, Leela. Aim...
L-Look, Bender, who's firing this thing? You or me? And where's Fry?
B-Didn't you hear Johnny? Meatbag's gone.
ND-Leela's distracted by her co-worker, and Homer's taking advantage!
JG-I just realized, Nick. Why is he wearing a shopping bag?
H-I misplaced my pants.
(cut to Leela and Bender arguing)
L-If you hadn't put Nibbler INTO the trash compactor, I wouldn't have flushed your beer!
B-He ate his way out!
L-I lost a good trash compactor!
H-Hee hee! Hee hee hee!
ND-Homer's grabbed Leela's laser and is running off with it, but not fast enough! Leela tackles him!
JG-She gets her laser back!
L-(sigh) Let's try this again. 1-2-3!(zap)
ND-Leela fires, and- whoa! It's reflected off Homer's bald head, while singing off the 2 remaining hairs!
JG-Leela better watch it!
ND-She dives out of the way, but again, not fast enough! Her boots are on fire, and it's spreading fast!
JG-This could be it for Team Futurama's captain!
ND-Hold on, Johnny! Here comes Bender to put out the fire!
H-C'mon, Mills! You can't have two people in the ring at once!
ML-I'll allow it!
JG-Nick, I think Bender made a mistake! His legs are set to 'Puree', and Leela is history!
B-Okay, Leela! Up and at 'em!... uh, Leela? Oops.
BG-Hey, Bender! Whatsay we party till dawn!
H-Yea, Bender. There are 3 left. That constitutes 1 team. We win!
B-Okay. (he pulls out 3 beers)
ML-I won't allow it! You guys have to kill each other yet! (a can of Budweiser is crushed into his face)
JG-Where's Mills going?
ND-I'll tell you where he's going. To turn on the
(echo)FAN OF FANDEMONIUM!
JG-For those first-time fans, The Fan consists of razor sharp blades. They will lower until there is a winner!
ND-In other words, Johnny- in this case, drinking could kill you! The only other place you'll hear that is in an after-school special.
(after 5 minutes of Bender,Homer and Barney drinking,mooning and lighting farts)
ND-The fan is almost upon us, Johnny! It's too late! (slicing, then a screech)
JG-Hold on Nick. What happened to the fan?!
B-Hey, where're Homer and Barney?
ND-Incredible, Johnny! The fan stopped when it hit Bender's robot body! Two lucky fans are going home with the authentic heads of Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble!
JG-I tell you, Nick, That was worthy of the Deathbowl! Too bad we didn't have it then. I guess that means Team Futurama wins!
ND-Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Nick Diamond.
JG-And I'm Johnny Gomez. Good fight, good night.
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