by: Aaron
WARNING:I don't have much to work with involving Mom, so cut me some slack
here, OK?
Tonight's key: J- Johnny Gomez N- Nick Diamond ML- Mills Lane M- Mom F- Prof.
Hubert Farnsworth A- Aaron (myself)
N- Welcome back! Coming up in just a minute, our main event.
J- That's right, Nick. It's part 4 of the Futurama rivalries. It's
Farnsworth and Mom in the battle of the grumpiest old men since Jack Lemmon
and Walter Matthau.
N- Folks, we originally wanted Odgen Wernstrom to fight against the Planet
Express CEO, but he couldn't hear the phone.
J- Or see it. He really needs glasses. In any case, the ever-popular Mom
volunteered to act as a replacement.
N- Also, to help us up in the booth, we've invited recent Deathmatch winner
mtvcdm.
A- Call me Aaron.
J- Sure. So how do you see the fight shaping up?
A- Well, guys, I see Farnsworth winning. If he gets in trouble, in his
corner are three people with Deathmatch experience-ok. 1 person, an alien,
and a robot. You all know who I mean. Bender, Fry, and Leela.
N- Yea, but Mom's three sons, Walt, Igner, and Larry are in Mom's corner,
Aaron. That neutralizes it.
A- What about Leela's laser gun? She isn't even attempting to hide it.
J- Good point.(bell rings) It looks like our fighters have entered the ring.
ML- Ok, you two, you're even older than I am, but I still know more about
fighting to the death than you. Thus, I'm in charge. And Mom, not to
suspect anything, but no bribing. Now let's get it on!
M- To the death? That's a little mean, isn't it?
ML- You knew the opening was dangerous when you filled it.
M- Well, if I must.
F- ...and tie this one to... no, that one's too short.
A- And what the hell is the Prof. talking about?
F- ...There! Done.
J- What's done?
A- Wait, I recognize those from the pilot. He's made a lasso out of his
assorted lengths of wire!
N- Wait, doesn't a lasso have a handle?
F- I KNEW I forgot something!
M- (takes off fat suit) I'll take that piece of crap!
J- Oh My God! This isn't the Mom we know and love!
A- Things are gonna get interesting now.
F- Just a second, please. (turns to Fry) Can I borrow the laser, Fry?
Fry- Um, Leela has it.
Leela- I just brought it for intimidation. It's out of juice.
F- That's okay. I brought prune juice.
Leela- Not that kind of juice!
F- Fuff. I've put gasoline in the ship, I can put prune juice in a
laser.(pours prune juice into laser)
Fry- AAAAAAAAA! WE'RE GONNA DIE! (turns to Bender) Right?
Bender- Right.
Fry- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Leela- Throw it at Mom; it's gonna blow!
F- If you insist. (throws laser at Mom)
M- Dumbass.
A- Mom! Don't!
(Mom picks up laser)
Laser-Boom.
J- There goes Mom's arm!
N- Heads up, here comes the prune juice! (all three duck)
M- Kids, take him down!
A- Uh, oh, look at this. Mom's backup forces are coming in!
J- Mills, is that legal?
ML- I'll allow it!
Walt-Quick, go for the cyclops! It was her gun!
A- Leela? Damn, I forgot to ask her out after the match with Fry! I'll do it
now.
J- Don't get involved.
N- Besides, you might get burned. I have for 3 years.
Igner-Okay, nosezilla...
Leela- I've said it before and I'll say it again:(lowers her voice about 5
octaves) Noone makes fun of my nose.
A- A New New York-sized mistake by Igner-Never knock her nose. That's
something you just don't do.
Leela- (various karate screams)
N- I'm looking away. Tell me when it's over.
J- I think I will, too.
A- Ditto.
(after 15 more seconds of karate screams, other screams, grunts, and groans)
J- Guys, I think the worst is over.
A- Let's asess the damage. 3 dead bodies, and one PO'ed hag.
Leela- Anyone else?
N- She can kick my ass anytime.
A- Hey, I saw her first! I have dibs!
J- Mom can't hide behind them anymore!
(Leela goes out of the Deathmatch Arena)
A- Where's she going?
PA System- Mom and Professor Hubert Farnsworth, please report to the parking
lot. Your lights are on.
(cut to parking lot)
Leela- Start, damn it, start, you friggin' engine!
F- My lights aren't on.
(flashback to Mills' pre-fight instructions, and close in on 'to the
death'. Just then, Leela gets the engine started.)
F- Mom, come here.(Mom walks over, and Farnsworth throws her into the turbine)
ML- And the winner is, Prof. Farnsworth!
(cut to booth)
J- There it is! The Japanese Elder Throw!
A- Well, Amy's gonna have one helluva time scraping the gore off the engine.
(all three laugh)
J- Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's all for another match, another card,
and another night. For all of us here at Celebrity Deathmatch, I'm Johnny
Gomez.
N- I'm Nick Diamond.
A- And I'm mtvcdm, aka Aaron. (turn to Johnny) I wanna say it this time.
J- you mean 'good fight, good night'?
A- D'oh! Forget it. I'm gonna go ask Leela out.
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